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June 19th, 2013

a year's worth of Tuesdays

I have big news.

Five minutes ago, I finished my Chrysalis edits. This is why I'm a day late for my post. Last night I wasn't done and I was so close and I decided I wasn't stopping for anything. I'm actually ready to let people read my book and tell me what they think. If they've read Chrysalis before, I really want the reaction to be, "Oh my gosh, this is so much better."

So, a little background on why this happened this week as opposed to all the other weeks I said I was going to finish and didn't.  Saturday was the one year anniversary for when I finished the complete rewrite. I spent Saturday in a funk, telling myself I was an abject failure for doing something so awesome a year ago and not following through with any sort of timeliness. After all, I "let" myself get writing sick, right? I was only doing silly little histories and alternate Chrysalis realities and future books that had no business being written. I wasn't seriously writing or editing or even rough drafting.

I was a freaking failure and never going to realize my impossible dream.

Sunday was pretty awful too but for reasons having nothing to do with writing. I woke up Monday morning and something flipped in my brain. It just switched. Gwynne, I said to myself, stop being an idiot. You've got this.

I opened up Chrysalis and was reminded of so many things.

  • One: This draft is freaking amazing. I fixed so many pacing and plot problems. I'm sure it's got new issues but that doesn't mean I can't fix them.

  • Two: The histories and alternate realities have taught me how to reimagine my plot, potential scenes, and how to rewrite things I originally thought were set in stone. Because nothing is set in stone. It's set in a word document.

  • Three: I rewrote the last third of the book in two days. Like completely rewrote it.

  • Four: I cut two entire chapters and had to rewrite entire chunks from the alternative point of view.

  • Five: My dream isn't impossible because I'm a writer. I've written every day for over a year. That's never going to change. Eventually, I will write a book that will get an agent and be published. It may not be Chrysalis but that's hardly my only or best idea.

  • Six: Resistance isn't the boss of me. I can do anything I freaking want. I went from yellow to green sash in four months and that's way harder than writing.

  • Seven: I'm awesome and don't need to apologize for it.

Next week, I'll have a query letter.

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