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Tuesday's War on Lies

I'm interrupting my writing flow to bring you this post. It's an important flow because it's moving Chrysalis.

Some time ago in the past, I wrote a HoK post about the lies we tell ourselves to slow down the realization of our dreams. I have memories of this being a great post but I couldn't easily find it, so you'll just have to take my word for it. [Edit] I found it! The comments are what made Lying Monday awesome >.>

The short of it is that when it comes to Doing Hard Things for Our Dreams, sometimes we tell ourselves lies as to why we Can't Do It (Right Now). We need to take time, identify our Lies, tell ourselves the Truth, and then perhaps, Turtle our way through the battle.

It's no secret I've been suffering from the worst writer's block I've ever had ever. What is a secret is how my word count has been unaffected by this writer's block.

I wrote nearly 30,000 words in March and almost 25,000 words in April. March's project will never see the light of day. April's project was for Book 6. There was some chicken counting for eggs that aren't even close to hatching. I told myself that these words were okay because writing every day was more important, getting out bad words just meant I wouldn't have any to waste when I finally go around to rewriting Chrysalis. I told myself these words were okay because my diabetes is technically out of control and that angry, petulant writing is better than no writing when I feel like such utter crap. I told myself these not serious words were okay because mentally and physically I've been getting ready for my first Kung Fu tournament and that I was just too tired to even get a sentence out into Chrysalis.

These lies were killing me. I spent two months being miserable about my lack of progress. I was miserable because I want to do this. I want to rewrite Chrysalis whether or not it leads to finding an agent and selling the book to a publisher. It will be a huge success if I can take all the feedback and everything I've learned about writing to Chrysalis and make it something more than what it is right now.

So, yesterday, I declared war on my lies.

If I can write 55,000 words that don't have anything to do with my current dream, then I can open up that project and write a sentence.

If my health is pissing me off, then I can take steps to bring it in line so I'm not angry and furious and giving into writer's block.

If Kung Fu is important to me, then I will always be prepping for something--whether it's tournament, the next stripe, or a belt test, so I can figure out a way to make it coexist with my writing.

I'm two days in and I've managed to figure out what was holding me back on the new Chapter 3. I'm working through it. It's going to be slow and while I'd like a new draft by the end of May, it's okay if it doesn't happen until June. I'll master the Way of the Turtle because I will stop lying to myself.

So. This week, I once more challenge you to look at the lies you might be telling yourself and then declare war! 

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
audrey_hok
May. 3rd, 2012 03:26 am (UTC)
This was a very brave post for you to write, and I'm glad you did. I'm so excited that you've been able to break through your writer's block and are excited about your project again. You can totally finish this draft by June!
gwynne_hok
May. 3rd, 2012 08:01 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you think I'm brave ^^;; Mostly I was just yelling at myself in public. I figure if I finish it by June, spend the rest of the summer editing and rewriting my query letter then when Fall comes and agents get back from summer vacation, I'll be in a good place to submit again.

That's the plan, anyway >.>
elisesahcra
May. 3rd, 2012 04:57 am (UTC)
I'm actually glad you wrote this. Since I'm unemployed for the summer, I desperately want and need a schedule and goals to accomplish. Sitting on my bum watching Netflix all day will only make me lazy, alone and depressed (and I'm acutely aware of the consequences of this). I've got my eye on some writing goals related to blogs I want to get up and running, and a number of sewing projects, and I need to be sure not to waste my days checking my e-mail and facebook 1,000 times per day. If I've made the right progress on my goals, then I'm still shooting to have adjusted goals and success even after the baby's born. I'm really concerned about telling myself lies and wasting my time, but this really makes me want to face them and see what I can really do for myself this summer.
elisesahcra
May. 3rd, 2012 04:57 am (UTC)
Also, good luck on your draft! I can't wait to read Revised Chrysalis. :)
gwynne_hok
May. 3rd, 2012 08:09 pm (UTC)
I'm glad it helped! Your situation looks really hard to my Outsider Eyes because I'm sure I would feel the same way with nothing but myself to make and keep a schedule for my daylight time. Having an Inner motivation is always harder than an Outer motivation. It's one of the reasons I think having a part-time job would be good for my brain even if I make loads of money from my writing >.>

I'm cheering you on! We can do this!

And I'm excited to finish writing the Revised Chrysalis. My big hope is that when people who've read the first draft read this one, they say "Holy Crap, this is amazing and better than the first time!" We'll see ^^;;
brooke_hok
May. 4th, 2012 05:01 am (UTC)
Talk about a timely post. This is pretty much what I've been doing this past week. (Except that instead of having 55,000 unrelated words under my belt, I had like...1,000?) But that was okay, because I was dealing with medical stuff and not feeling very well and helping with a ton of family stuff and crocheting was just so much more relaxing... Yeah... All these things were/are true, but as you say, they'll continue to remain true, and there's no reason why my writing can't coexist with all the other craziness.

Good luck with turtling through your draft--I'll be cheering you on!
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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